Last night John Barnes came to me in a dream
He put a penalty past Robert Green
And then he asked me to play for his team
Last night John Barnes came to me in a dream
Last night Prince Charles came to me in a dream
He said "Frightfully charming to meet you old bean,
I'm going hunting, my prey is the Queen"
Last night Prince Charles came to me in a dream
Last night Saddam came to me in a dream
He said "I am sorry for my evil regime"
But I kicked his nuts, no forgive or redeem
Last night Saddam came to me in a dream
Michael J. Fox came to me in a dream
dressed like the 80s and still in his teens
I said "I hold you in the highest esteem"
Michael J. Fox came to me in a dream
Last night John Hughes came to me in a dream
Holding a bag full of Micro Machines
He said "You know what to do with these"
Last night John Hughes came to me in a dream
Last night a man came to me in a dream
He said "God creates but does not intervene
My name is Albert, I'm more than I seem"
Last night a man came to me in a dream
Last night a fish came to me in a dream
bouncing around on a blue trampoline
He said "I was sick of just swimming upstream"
Last night a fish came to me in a dream
But all these people know
That I don't want to go
From one to the other
And all these people know
That you'll put on a show
And next it's your mother
Last night your mum came to me in a dream
She said "I'm worried my child is becoming obscene,
Please won't you do something to keep his mouth clean"
Last night your mum came to me in a dream
Last night John Barnes came to me in a dream
Wearing a shirt that said "10 - Goal Machine"
Then he did a rap that was fucking supreme
Last night John Barnes came to me in a dream
Wednesday, 31 December 2008
Tuesday, 16 December 2008
Santa's in the House
Outside it is freezingbut inside it is warm
He's coming here this evening
with presents for the morn
That funky funky fat man
will drain his sherry glass
He'll come in down the chimney
and shake his jolly ass
'Cause Santa's in the house
Santa's in the house
I got Christmas fever
Because Santa's in the house
Now not a creature is stirring
not even a mouse
That fever is occurring
'Cause Santa's in the house
Santa's in the house
Santa's in the house
I got Christmas fever
Because Santa's in the house
I hope he fills my stocking
I don't want no coal
We can get things rocking
with some Christmas rock 'n' roll
I hope he fills my stocking
I don't want no coal
All I want for Christmas
is some Christmas rock 'n' roll
Santa's in the house
Santa's in the house
I got Christmas fever
Because Santa's in the house
When Santa comes in with a beard on his chin
I'll be hiding over here behind the tree waiting for him
I'll put him in a headlock and pull out my piece
Stick it in his face and his heart rate will increase
But I'll take it away again because Santa is obese
and if he has a cardiac arrest I'll have to deal with the police
But if he doesn't give me all the things for which I've asked
I'll bust a cap right in his jolly ass
I want bitches (bitches)
and hoes (hoes)
I said bitches (bitches)
and ho ho hoes (ho ho hoes)
Everybody say bitches (bitches)
and hoes (hoes)
I want bitches (bitches)
and ho ho hoes (ho ho hoes)
Santa's in the house
Santa's in the house
I got Christmas fever
Because Santa's in the house
Friday, 12 December 2008
I Have Been Cared For
Maybe if it hadn't fallen at my feet
character would be more prevelant
but I have been cared for
I don't know a thing about the street
I fall apart in an argument
but I have been cared for
I have been like a local council
filling potholes with gravel and sand
they are fixed for a short while
but crumble at the slightest touch of my hand
but I have been so cared for
character would be more prevelant
but I have been cared for
I don't know a thing about the street
I fall apart in an argument
but I have been cared for
I have been like a local council
filling potholes with gravel and sand
they are fixed for a short while
but crumble at the slightest touch of my hand
but I have been so cared for
Wednesday, 10 December 2008
I Got Punched in the Nose for Sticking My Face into Other Peoples' Business
I've been interfering in somebody else's life
But only 'cause I know the jerk-off's cheating on his wife
It's been playing on my conscience, my sense of right and wrong
and it was that son-of-a-bitch's idea that I put it in a song
The first time that I met him he was dressed in white
and I had just been jilted, I was wound up pretty tight
I didn't think too much of him but the benefit of doubt
I allowed him 'til we had a conversation one night out
He was looking at a barmaid like a luscious piece of meat
and confessed to me without a thought his infidelities
and his basic lack of courtesy, it left me feeling sick
so ever since that night I knew I had a bone to pick
Well I drank a quart of whiskey 'cause I thought my life was finished
Well I guess sometimes that's just the way it goes
Then I stuck my southern face right into someone else's business
and that's why I got puched square in the nose
I went around to tell her but I couldn't face the task
and I have never felt more helpless as I watched her through the glass
The next time that I saw him I was standing in the street
and I drunk as hell confronted him and told him not to cheat
He told me to stay out of it and he squared up to me
and although he was a bigger man I had to disagree
I said "I haven't had a fight since I was back in school
but I beat the shit from that kid and now I'll beat the shit from you"
Well I drank a quart of whiskey 'cause I thought my life was finished
Well I guess sometimes that's just the way it goes
Then I stuck my southern face right into someone else's business
and that's why I got puched square in the nose
The moral of this story is 'It isn't good to fight
and it isn't good to sleep around and stay away all night'
I've got Billy on my side and Glen is just an arsehole
and I know he's ridiculous and he will finish last
Oh I got punched in the nose for sticking my face into other peoples' business
It wasn't very smart and it shows
but to this day I don't regret it
and as God is my witness, I'd do it all again because I got the girl
Well I drank a quart of whiskey 'cause I thought my life was finished
Well I guess sometimes that's just the way it goes
Then I stuck my southern face right into someone else's business
and that's why I got puched square in the nose
and that's why I got puched square in the nose
But only 'cause I know the jerk-off's cheating on his wife
It's been playing on my conscience, my sense of right and wrong
and it was that son-of-a-bitch's idea that I put it in a song
The first time that I met him he was dressed in white
and I had just been jilted, I was wound up pretty tight
I didn't think too much of him but the benefit of doubt
I allowed him 'til we had a conversation one night out
He was looking at a barmaid like a luscious piece of meat
and confessed to me without a thought his infidelities
and his basic lack of courtesy, it left me feeling sick
so ever since that night I knew I had a bone to pick
Well I drank a quart of whiskey 'cause I thought my life was finished
Well I guess sometimes that's just the way it goes
Then I stuck my southern face right into someone else's business
and that's why I got puched square in the nose
I went around to tell her but I couldn't face the task
and I have never felt more helpless as I watched her through the glass
The next time that I saw him I was standing in the street
and I drunk as hell confronted him and told him not to cheat
He told me to stay out of it and he squared up to me
and although he was a bigger man I had to disagree
I said "I haven't had a fight since I was back in school
but I beat the shit from that kid and now I'll beat the shit from you"
Well I drank a quart of whiskey 'cause I thought my life was finished
Well I guess sometimes that's just the way it goes
Then I stuck my southern face right into someone else's business
and that's why I got puched square in the nose
The moral of this story is 'It isn't good to fight
and it isn't good to sleep around and stay away all night'
I've got Billy on my side and Glen is just an arsehole
and I know he's ridiculous and he will finish last
Oh I got punched in the nose for sticking my face into other peoples' business
It wasn't very smart and it shows
but to this day I don't regret it
and as God is my witness, I'd do it all again because I got the girl
Well I drank a quart of whiskey 'cause I thought my life was finished
Well I guess sometimes that's just the way it goes
Then I stuck my southern face right into someone else's business
and that's why I got puched square in the nose
and that's why I got puched square in the nose
25
Behind a pane
within a frame
Your teenage eyes
Again and again I hear your name
Your teenage lies
No, I can't describe the feeling
You were my predilection
I found you so appealing
but you were only fiction
You're meant to be a schoolgirl but you're clearly 25,
an unsubtle work of fiction with a prejudice to jive,
and when I turn you on my TV and look you in the eye
I can say with some conviction that you make me feel alive
And now I am much older than you were meant to be
but in fact about the same age you were in '93
and I can still remember the way it made me feel
when you smiled a smile the way you smiled a smile at me
within a frame
Your teenage eyes
Again and again I hear your name
Your teenage lies
No, I can't describe the feeling
You were my predilection
I found you so appealing
but you were only fiction
You're meant to be a schoolgirl but you're clearly 25,
an unsubtle work of fiction with a prejudice to jive,
and when I turn you on my TV and look you in the eye
I can say with some conviction that you make me feel alive
And now I am much older than you were meant to be
but in fact about the same age you were in '93
and I can still remember the way it made me feel
when you smiled a smile the way you smiled a smile at me
Monday, 8 December 2008
Concerning the Use of Whiskey as a Metaphor for Gin
And no I don't drink whiskey
although my songs say I do
It's just a device that I use
And when I say whiskey
I really mean something else
like gin or wine
but I've already said gin
and I've already said wine
And when I say I don't drink whiskey
well then that's not just a device that I use
Because I don't drink much whiskey
but I do drink booze
But mostly gin and mostly wine
and mostly all of the time
And no I don't drink whiskey
because it makes my heart bleed
and my heart's always bleeding all over my body
my heart's always bleeding all over for you
and my heart's always bleeding all over my body
and guiding it 'round in little tubes
My blood doesn't have the usual red colour
not the red colour that usual blood has
My blood doesn't have the usual red colour
more like the colour of five pound shiraz
My blood doesn't have the usual red colour
the usual red colour that all blood should have
My blood doesn't have the usual red colour
it's more like a reasonably priced cab sav
I don't drink whiskey
but I do drink booze
well whiskey is just a word that I use
to mean gin from Plymouth or bottles of wine
at ten pounds reduced to five
I don't drink whiskey
no I don't drink whiskey
I don't drink whiskey
no I don't drink whiskey
'cause it hurts my mind
although my songs say I do
It's just a device that I use
And when I say whiskey
I really mean something else
like gin or wine
but I've already said gin
and I've already said wine
And when I say I don't drink whiskey
well then that's not just a device that I use
Because I don't drink much whiskey
but I do drink booze
But mostly gin and mostly wine
and mostly all of the time
And no I don't drink whiskey
because it makes my heart bleed
and my heart's always bleeding all over my body
my heart's always bleeding all over for you
and my heart's always bleeding all over my body
and guiding it 'round in little tubes
My blood doesn't have the usual red colour
not the red colour that usual blood has
My blood doesn't have the usual red colour
more like the colour of five pound shiraz
My blood doesn't have the usual red colour
the usual red colour that all blood should have
My blood doesn't have the usual red colour
it's more like a reasonably priced cab sav
I don't drink whiskey
but I do drink booze
well whiskey is just a word that I use
to mean gin from Plymouth or bottles of wine
at ten pounds reduced to five
I don't drink whiskey
no I don't drink whiskey
I don't drink whiskey
no I don't drink whiskey
'cause it hurts my mind
Epistle
Dear Annabelle,
I hope this finds you well
It's been a while since I spoke to you
but now I find myself with nothing better to do
I caught your name and number
but still we really didn't know each other
and with things about to move forward
despite all that's happening
near where I'm going in the world
I feel a real change for the first time
and I want to seize this opportunity
so won't you please write back to me
There is a time for discovery
and a time for forming stability
and both for me are now
for although the future needs to be planned
I now find my life in my own hands
and living for the moment is important for how
we make the most of it
and don't live to regret
I must not make a mess of this
and take it all and piss it all away
I hope this finds you well
It's been a while since I spoke to you
but now I find myself with nothing better to do
I caught your name and number
but still we really didn't know each other
and with things about to move forward
despite all that's happening
near where I'm going in the world
I feel a real change for the first time
and I want to seize this opportunity
so won't you please write back to me
There is a time for discovery
and a time for forming stability
and both for me are now
for although the future needs to be planned
I now find my life in my own hands
and living for the moment is important for how
we make the most of it
and don't live to regret
I must not make a mess of this
and take it all and piss it all away
The White, the Green, the Brown
The morning of the night before
is when I cared for you no more
A weight was lifted from my back
and I am gone
The white, the green, the brown
They turned me upside down
and I know the truth is that
that's what I was before
The difference in the way my life
is lived in line with yours
has finally stuck and opened up
a so symbolic door
The night that changed me was the best
I've had upon this earth
The white, the green, the brown
the magical and her
The white, the green, the brown, the gin
and you in bed with him
Truth misleading give me slack
and I am gone
is when I cared for you no more
A weight was lifted from my back
and I am gone
The white, the green, the brown
They turned me upside down
and I know the truth is that
that's what I was before
The difference in the way my life
is lived in line with yours
has finally stuck and opened up
a so symbolic door
The night that changed me was the best
I've had upon this earth
The white, the green, the brown
the magical and her
The white, the green, the brown, the gin
and you in bed with him
Truth misleading give me slack
and I am gone
I'm Twice the Man He is and Now I Will Prove it
And glass after glass
we are just making masks
and somebody else is in my seat
And they won't move
and each time I sip
I cannot complain
I'm beginning to slip
And the man in the corner says go home to bed
but I'm feeling New Order, it's stuck in my head
and now people are slapping in time with the music
I'm not discontent as I finally lose it
And oh how do I prove
and oh what is the use
when I know I'm far too shy
and when things come my way I won't happily die
And the man in the corner says go home to bed
but I'm feeling New Order, it's stuck in my head
and now people are slapping in time with the music
I'm not discontent as I finally lose it
A boy on the dance floor has very nice shoes
Shit, I'm twice the man he is and now I will prove it
But oh how do I prove
and oh what is the use
when I know I'm far too shy
and when things come my way I won't happily die
we are just making masks
and somebody else is in my seat
And they won't move
and each time I sip
I cannot complain
I'm beginning to slip
And the man in the corner says go home to bed
but I'm feeling New Order, it's stuck in my head
and now people are slapping in time with the music
I'm not discontent as I finally lose it
And oh how do I prove
and oh what is the use
when I know I'm far too shy
and when things come my way I won't happily die
And the man in the corner says go home to bed
but I'm feeling New Order, it's stuck in my head
and now people are slapping in time with the music
I'm not discontent as I finally lose it
A boy on the dance floor has very nice shoes
Shit, I'm twice the man he is and now I will prove it
But oh how do I prove
and oh what is the use
when I know I'm far too shy
and when things come my way I won't happily die
Careful! Ice!
I've got a little pile of you
Run around
Make it true
Look twice
Careful! Ice!
Looks good
See it through
Learn a song
Get it wrong
Wait a tick
Make it big
Get stoned
Drink alone
Come in
I'll go
Run around
Make it true
Look twice
Careful! Ice!
Looks good
See it through
Learn a song
Get it wrong
Wait a tick
Make it big
Get stoned
Drink alone
Come in
I'll go
Madonna Teeth
Just playing along
Just playing along
It all happened so fast
You came to me
and sat on your seat
with your Madonna teeth
with your Madonna teeth
And just like a gift horse
Just like a gift horse
you gave me a gift
And will it always be
so simple now for me
as your Madonna teeth?
as your Madonna teeth?
I just got something
and almost for nothing
I got a feeling
just playing along
Robbed of the digits
just when I was winning
But just like a ditched horse
just like a ditched horse
I was pulled from my ditch
Just playing along
It all happened so fast
You came to me
and sat on your seat
with your Madonna teeth
with your Madonna teeth
And just like a gift horse
Just like a gift horse
you gave me a gift
And will it always be
so simple now for me
as your Madonna teeth?
as your Madonna teeth?
I just got something
and almost for nothing
I got a feeling
just playing along
Robbed of the digits
just when I was winning
But just like a ditched horse
just like a ditched horse
I was pulled from my ditch
Air in Me
There's something in me
There's something in me
There's something in me
There's something in me
I'm thinking of a tune
and it sounds like Paul Weller
Those blue green eyes
but I'm just so jealous of her
So very jealous of her
There's air in me
There's air in me
There's air in me
There's air in me
Look into those eyes
They're so blue-green
Now I realise
That she should be jealous of me
She should be jealous of me
There's something in me
There's something in me
There's something in me
I'm thinking of a tune
and it sounds like Paul Weller
Those blue green eyes
but I'm just so jealous of her
So very jealous of her
There's air in me
There's air in me
There's air in me
There's air in me
Look into those eyes
They're so blue-green
Now I realise
That she should be jealous of me
She should be jealous of me
The Readjustment Blues
Are you feeling lonely, a little lonely now
I'm feeling lonely, a little lonely now
We were together for so long, I don't know how
How to live my life now, I'm so used to you
How to live my life now without kissing you
Things I used to know are back to new
I'll be your best friend if you'll be mine too
I'll be your best friend if you'll be mine too
It feels a little strange baby now we're through
Remember baby when you first were mine
Remember baby I was feeling fine
I still feel happy more than half the time
I have my bad days and I know you got yours
I have my bad days and I know you got yours
But the good days honey are getting more and more
I love you baby, you know I always will
I love you baby, you know I always will
We've been through so much you know I love you still
Come on people, have you heard the news
Come on people, ain't you heard the news
We're moving on but I've got the readjustment blues
I'm feeling lonely, a little lonely now
We were together for so long, I don't know how
How to live my life now, I'm so used to you
How to live my life now without kissing you
Things I used to know are back to new
I'll be your best friend if you'll be mine too
I'll be your best friend if you'll be mine too
It feels a little strange baby now we're through
Remember baby when you first were mine
Remember baby I was feeling fine
I still feel happy more than half the time
I have my bad days and I know you got yours
I have my bad days and I know you got yours
But the good days honey are getting more and more
I love you baby, you know I always will
I love you baby, you know I always will
We've been through so much you know I love you still
Come on people, have you heard the news
Come on people, ain't you heard the news
We're moving on but I've got the readjustment blues
Bring on the Sun
You're not around and I can't think of anything but you
In my comfortable prison, the night is done
and these thoughts won't let me escape into a slumber
so bring on the sun
Your gift awaits but unaware
you're peaceful with the world
Your waiting prize lies anxious
counting no more thoughts beyond
The smile that was promised
is just this hanging sunrise off
It should hurry for now the night is done
Rise, please rise, or I will fold in on myself
What I want to give you is a feeling you can keep
Rise, please rise, or I will fold in on myself
It's Christmas eve to me and that has robbed me of my sleep
I forgot about this feeling
unbearable excitement
and when you're not around I have no other thoughts but one
It's creeping now and here alone the birds and I both know
so bring on the sun
In my comfortable prison, the night is done
and these thoughts won't let me escape into a slumber
so bring on the sun
Your gift awaits but unaware
you're peaceful with the world
Your waiting prize lies anxious
counting no more thoughts beyond
The smile that was promised
is just this hanging sunrise off
It should hurry for now the night is done
Rise, please rise, or I will fold in on myself
What I want to give you is a feeling you can keep
Rise, please rise, or I will fold in on myself
It's Christmas eve to me and that has robbed me of my sleep
I forgot about this feeling
unbearable excitement
and when you're not around I have no other thoughts but one
It's creeping now and here alone the birds and I both know
so bring on the sun
Too Much Money
I never was a poor young boy
and never could not eat
The middle station is the place
for comfort and for peace
By the river every year
the blazers come to play
and with their noses pointed up
drink their weight in fine champagne
I could not have asked for more
than my parents gave to us
I know that my integrity
is better off because
The richest people in this town
get that way by misering
The more you have the more you need
to buy your family things
But I could not have asked for more
than my parents could provide
If I had been a millionaire
I never would have tried
and never could not eat
The middle station is the place
for comfort and for peace
By the river every year
the blazers come to play
and with their noses pointed up
drink their weight in fine champagne
I could not have asked for more
than my parents gave to us
I know that my integrity
is better off because
The richest people in this town
get that way by misering
The more you have the more you need
to buy your family things
But I could not have asked for more
than my parents could provide
If I had been a millionaire
I never would have tried
Think of a Number
I am thinking of a number between one and ten
If you guess it I will kiss you
and we'll do it again until you get it right
until you get it right
We'll take it as it comes
You never really know why people are alone
If you don't want to know I think I'd rather know
I'll try to move along
We're all having such a good time
Having such a good time
There's just one thing that haunts me
I'm trying not to hold on
I'm trying not to hold on
I'm trying not to hold on
I am thinking of a number between one and a hundred
Guess it and I'll kiss you
and we'll do it again
we'll do it again until you get it right
If you guess it I will kiss you
and we'll do it again until you get it right
until you get it right
We'll take it as it comes
You never really know why people are alone
If you don't want to know I think I'd rather know
I'll try to move along
We're all having such a good time
Having such a good time
There's just one thing that haunts me
I'm trying not to hold on
I'm trying not to hold on
I'm trying not to hold on
I am thinking of a number between one and a hundred
Guess it and I'll kiss you
and we'll do it again
we'll do it again until you get it right
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